Here’s the text for the 24 June 2024 “Pause for Thought” I offered on the Breakfast Show with Zoe Ball on BBC Radio 2. Listen here.

Earlier this month I visited my family in Tennessee, and I was reminded yet again ­– what a load of chatterboxes we are. Zoe, you think I’m a yappy Yank? You should meet my kinfolk. If you run into my dad or my sister or my aunt at the supermarket, buckle up, y’all – they can talk for America. I’m pretty extroverted myself, but compared to them, I’m a monk.

Something I learned very early on from my family was how to communicate in a way that draws people in and makes ‘em feel comfortable. How to read a room and warm it up with charm. This can be a good thing. Friendliness, story-telling, a genuine clap on the back – it all goes a long way.

But here’s a confession: there can be a shadow side to that chatty charm. In our mission to influence and impress, it’s easy to become chameleons. To change roles or switch styles just to get noticed, to get likes, or to persuade – which is just another word for “manipulate”!

I co-host the podcast Hope & Anchor. We recently chatted with Amanda Lovett, one of the stars from series 1 of The Traitors. You might remember: she’s the “Welsh Dragon” whose wonderfully-deceptive scheming took her almost all-the-way to the final.

It turns out that playing-to-the-room is super-helpful for reality telly. But not-so-helpful for becoming a real human being.

At least for me.

For a long-time in my life, I was desperately trying to keep up appearances. Juggling so many scripts and identities that I didn’t know who I actually was. All those alter-egos hollowed me right out.

Thomas Merton, a 20^th-century monk, says: If you want to identify me, don’t ask me where I live, what food I like, how I wear my hair, but ask me what I’m living for – and then ask me what’s keeping me from living that way.

As a Christian and also a member of the 12-step recovery community, my journey is different from a monk’s. I’m not called to celibacy or a monastery. But like a monk, I am called to be one person, to be a true person.

Not a chameleon or a changing cast of characters, but the same person, the same Trey – wherever I am, whoever I’m with.

For me, that’s what integrity is. That’s what spirituality means. And that’s what I’m trying to living for. As Jesus says, to know the truth – about yourself, about what’s real – and to let that truth set you free.